Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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