if i can run in heels then i can drive
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
