you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
