No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Life is so much better after having sex.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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