this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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