My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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