The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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