I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
