I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
