her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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