Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
