i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
