Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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