he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
my liver is dry heaving
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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