I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
