he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
