I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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