Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize