I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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