I feel great
I just peed on a car
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
