it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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