Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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