Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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