I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
