By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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