Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
