When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
