I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
