yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
