You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
