my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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