All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize