I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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