i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
