my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
