Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
