haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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