I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
