If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
