you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
