I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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