You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
