I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
