Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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