from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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