i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
