This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
