oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
