I looked at my own cervix.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
