i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
