we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
