found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
