That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Houston, we have a squirter
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
