all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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