Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
