I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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