I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
