im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
