I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
