I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
