Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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