i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
