Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
