i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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