It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
