She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
