the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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