She is in my trunk
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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